So I got back from work Monday night and was just relaxing, admiring my new suede boat shoes, when I slipped and hit my head...
...When I came to, I had been transformed into the world's shittiest rapper, e-POX-e. Or at least that's who I thought I was. What you are about to read (in lyrical verse) describes exactly what happened to me that night after I was done admiring my shoes. All the events are 100% true and this in full detail. I am okay now, but can't be so sure that my troubles are behind me.
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You should probably play 'Shoot for the Moon' by DJ Cid before reading any further.
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-Intro-
Yeah, yeah, e-POX-e, stickin' it to yo' ass, Scotch Tape, 3M, mutha fucka, crunky dunky, '95, B-ouch, set the phasers on cum, dat's right, brace yo' face.
--
So I'm walkin' down the street,
skip to the hop so I don't miss a beat.
Mindin' my own bidness but then who I do meet?
A funny lookin' feller with black ballet slippers on his feet.
He looked at me with an expression that said "duh."
So I shot back with a "what?" and a "huh?"
Then I looked down and said "steal those shoes didn't ya?"
Then I saw his sword and knew he was a SPACE NINJA.
I was like damn,
this wasn't in my plans.
And that's when he grabbed me by the hand.
But I wasn't a fan of being grabbed by a man.
I said "hey creep, get off my tip."
Next thing I knew we were on board his pimped out spaceship.
I was like "ah yi, this shit is hip."
That's when things got weird and he told me to strip.
I was like "wha?" as he told me to disrobe,
and that's when he pulled a 2 foot evil anal probe.
I lost control.
I said "that thing ain't going in my hole and now it's time to roll."
I wasn't down with this.
I was starting to get pissed.
He jumped up and told me to sit
but I couldn't really understand him cause I don't speak alien and shit.
I said "nuh-uh, you dirty space crook."
That's when I cold decked him a blazing right hook.
Hit the fucker so hard the whole ship started to shook.
And that's when I decided it was time to book.
I was about to leave this whole fucked up thing,
when some dude hit me with a swing.
I looked up as my face began to sting.
It was fucking Mr. Presley, the King.
I said "wassup Elvis,"
as he reached for my pelvis.
Should I keep going?
Yeah I need to tell this.
The King went for my thing.
Grabbed me so hard by the dick, he made me sing.
I sang "King, get your hands off my ding-aling!"
Then I thought hmm sexual harassment, ca-ching!
He said "Stop for crying for your ma."
I said "Can ya ease up off my dick big guy?"
He got all quiet then said "Thought I was dead didn't ya?"
Then he said "Nope I was just chillin' with a space ninja."
I said "Fuck this! I know how I can win this."
Reached into my coat for my auxiliary can of spinach.
I shook my head and said "Aww damn."
Then I hit the mother fucker upside the head with my spinach can.
The King looked like a clown,
rolling on the ground.
That's when I finally found the space elevator going down.
It felt good to be back on the street,
like I didn't miss a beat.
Man fighting fucking ninjas makes me hungry and need to eat.
I kind also wanted to get a cold beer.
I thought I was in the clear.
But then I thought I heard something I didn't want to hear.
And finally I felt something in my rear.
Turned around and this dude said "thought you could stop us, didn't ya?"
I screamed out "Oh fuck! A whole army of space ninjas."
-Outro-
Word. Flippancy. Man first it was the Space alligators, then it was space zombies, now these fucking space ninjas. I'm gonna round up some children of the damned, off set that shit, kna mean? Word. BITCHES!! Ho, and I'm out....
A special message from e-POX-e
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