Anyone who has read at least 3 articles here knows my distaste for liars and cheaters, etc. So let's expose more of these douche bags by outing some of their deceitful ways a little bit. This is all in the name of fun. 'Fun' meaning I hope they get hit by 2 buses going in opposite directions at the same time. Ladies I'll spare you from this one and just focus on the men folk.
The Embellisher: We're all guilty of this one actually. This person is mostly harmless, cause they're not directly hurting anyone but themselves if you catch onto them and hit them up with a follow up that they can't answer. Examples are the guy who brags about banging "a shitload of broads", but he's only had sex with 2 girls (collectively for 16 minutes). The guy who says he "was at Phish's first ever show", but that would have made him 6 when he was there. And of course the guy who taught Jimi Hendrix to play guitar. Just cause you sold Jimi that first guitar, doesn't mean you taught him how to play dingbat....Additionally, if you were in advertising between 1,003,333BC-2009 you know what I mean by 'The Embellisher'.
The Withholder: This is the person who just happens to tell their story by leaving out key details. You might think that Just cause I left something out doesn't make me a liar, well it does you dirty prick, because withholding the truth is called 'lying by omission', it's an actual term. Look it up moose knuckle. An example would be; "Yeah I saw your girlfriend last night up in da clubs" vs. "Yeah I saw your girlfriend last night up in da clubs and mouth fucked her in the DJ booth." Yeah. Now you can see the difference between the two and how withholding information is as bad as just saying "no I didn't fuck her in the DJ booth".
The Twister: This person is dangerous, because they know they did something wrong, but still try and find a way to play it off. If you go back to the DJ booth; "No I didn't fuck your girlfriend (in the ass)" would be a great example. Someone who kind of manipulates their own thoughts to make it seem like they did nothing wrong. "I don't eat mayo from the jar (with albino penguins)" would be a more common real world situation we can all understand if the first example didn't do it for you. It's taking something you blatantly did and finding that tiny tiny loophole to make it 'the truth'. You're the worst kind of liar in my opinion and Santa knows it too.
The Cheater: This person says nothing, but does everything. Everything from fucking up the curve in ECON101 to stealing the HS ballot box to fucking your Mom while dating your sister. We don't need to go into any commentary about this person, except that we all hope they are picked to play Catcher on the prison baseball team.
Randall Cunningham: I know it doesn't end in 'er' but who cares. This is the type of person who is great at passing the blame onto someone else, then scrambling for 40 yards to get the hell out of town. Passing, scrambling...get it? - No? Well when you broke your Dad's closest shelf trying to reach his Playboys when you were 10 and then blamed it on your invisible friend, Tito - that's what I am talking about.
0 comments:
Post a Comment