Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
My Current LOST Theory / Episode 6 "Sundown"
---UPDATE--- I've since learned this is a Sayid episode tonight, so we'll have to wait to see what they do with Sun, or if she even gets a flash.
Okay, so we're 5 episodes deep into LOST. 13 left to go. As many have noticed, the trend in flash sideways, are that they following the same order they did in season one. Meaning, the last 3 back stories have focused on Kate, Locke, & Jack (in that order). The same sequence occurred in season 1, as well.
The very curious thing about tonight's episode, entitled, "Sundown", will be if the story continues along the same arc. Curious, because it's presumably about Sun (in both name and she was the focus of episode 6, season 1), the first person to not have gone back to 1977.
Thing should still be very different for her in the parallel LOST, but that may only be because her husband, Jin, was Mr. South Korea 1977. If it wasn't for him, her two lives may be exclusively different - she doesn't get all "Jacked" up while looking into a mirror. I'm guessing we're not going to see any phantom scars appear on her, like Jack not remembering his appendix operation or the cut on his neck during LAX, episode 1.
Jack's scar is pretty much the source of my questions, that I cannot officially answer, but will try to. Can you change the future or the past? Short term, yes, long term, no - is what it looks like to me.
Take this drawing, we can analyze, that I obtained from NASA science guys.
It shows us a standard time line from 1900-2007. 1907-2007 would just look silly, so it's 107 years long. Let's read into it a bit.
1) The straight line from 77-07 is what has already happened.
2) The dotted line, is when the screwbags took the Ajira flight and got split up in time.
3) Saturday Night Fever came out in '77, so it made for a good icon to use.
4) The numbers.
As you can see, I have my own numbers. But they're only numbers, being used just to show you how something can be out of sequence, yet still total up to be the same, which is precisely, my LOST thoughts - what?
Going back in time, created a separate, secondary time line. What us LOST fans have become accustomed to, was always the primary line, but this new flash sideways paradise doesn't have the power of the initial, hence secondary. It's not was always set in stone, so that's why it doesn't hold the same power as the original.
This is why Jack doesn't remember his appendectomy in parallel world, because it's an unstable, flawed environment that wasn't supposed to exist in the first place and now has to make up for events it missed, but also compete with the stronger primary line. The time lines kind of remind me of Jacob vs. the man in black, personified, by the way.
Dig?
Monday, March 1, 2010
TUA Match #2: The Ego vs The Rebel
OJ: Yes Andrew, we do. Tonight we have a match between 2 very different fighters.
The Ego hungers for attention. She needs it for sustenance. In order for her to survive, she needs for you to know that she is the best, without any back talk. This is a person known for their flashy technique, but they can be defeated.
AB: Right as always, Juice.
The Rebel says she don't care and she ain't doing things your way. The headphones go on and stay on. What makes her such an antiestablishmentarianism is not always known. Her mom used to say she was such a normal kid growing up.
Let's pick up the action in round 1!
The Ego, comes out of the gate as we thought. "Why are you so weird? I'm so much better than you." The rebel just puts her headphones on. Smart move Juice. The Ego, is not about to quit though, ooh, nice shot, to knock the headphones off. That'll get you noticed. The rebel counters by doing some weird snarl. Too much Rob Zombie in her life. This reminds me of the matches of Hall of Famer, The Indecisive many years ago. Wait, The Ego is showing off her new Gucci purse. The Rebel DOES notice. Ding! There's the bell ending round 1.
Official score card: 10-9, The Ego.
Round 2 begins, The Ego again tries showing off, by reeling off all the guys she's slept with. The Rebel ignores. The ego dangles the keys to her new car RIGHT in front of the Rebel's face. She ignores. The Ego starts telling a story about how she was in a McDonald's commercial when she was younger. The Rebel ignores. OH MY, The Ego is reeling now. She just can't get through. She can fall..."You're dad never loved you." OHHHH, Rebel down, Rebel down. The Ego pulls out a huge come from behind victory over the Rebel.
OJ: I guess we know why she's tries to be so different now.
AB: Right as always juice. Here's the updated bracket. Joins us real soon for our 3rd quarterfinal bout!
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Tirade of the Nation #1
Thursday, February 25, 2010
TUA Match #1: The Cheater vs The Jealous One
Welcome to the first quarterfinal match for the 1st ever TUA: The Ultimate Asshole tournament of champions. 8 combatants, will compete to determine just what makes a person the biggest asshole possible.
We're here live at the Philadelphia Spectrum in front of a sold out crowd. Wait! Here comes are 1st competitor to the ring. It's THE CHEATER, a heavy favorite in this year's event. The Cheater is capable of saying basically whatever the fuck he wants to and then trying to get away with it. Of course he's not cheating on you and he invented sand. Trademark catch phrases of this asshole. Always remember this guy used to be a professional wrestler known as THE LIAR.
He definitely looks in top form tonight. This should be a tenacious affair!
Next to the ring is THE JEALOUS ONE. A combatant who mimics her opponents with such precision. She mixes the arts of synchronized swimming with the role of Jennifer Jason Leigh in Single White Female. She can be deceptively crafty and always pulls in close to her opponents.
Let's get to the action! 3, 5 minute rounds. Win by KO or submission. If there's no winner, we go to the scorecards.
ROUND 1:
Cheater moves in. Says he met Willie Nelson last week. Jealousy counters with pretending to be happy for Cheater, but you can see that she wishes she had the met the country great as well.
Cheater tells she Jealousy pretty and would take good care of her. Jealously takes the bait. Ohhhh BURNED!
Cheating was just lying to get into Jealousy's pants. He hits her with a "I don't care about you loser." And just like that this one is over. A crushing defeat for Jealousy! I didn't expect that one to be so quick. The Cheater moves on.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
The Ultimate Asshole: TUA Preview Show
Welcome to the first ever TUA: The Ultimate Asshole Preview Show. I'm Andrew Bock. As you most of you know, the TUA was formed to find out just which personality trait does, in fact, breed the biggest asshole.
Much like the early days of the UFC, the TUA has scoured the globe to find the true masters of the anus, those traits that just cannot be ignored, because of their prominence in destroying the lives they touch around them.
We have put together quite the card, that will be unveiled in the coming days via a series of quarterfinal matches. The winners will advance to the semis and then to the finals. Finally our champion will be crowned and we will all know just what makes a person the biggest asshole they can be.
I cannot control my excitement. Let's go to our sideline reporter and an asshole in his own right, The Juice Man himself, OJ Simpson.
Let's profile our 8 combatants and highlight the areas that makes you really want to pull a pair of leather gloves and...well never mind, let's show the traits."
THE CHEATER: (Odds To Win 2:1)
THE TEMPER: (Odds To Win 4:1)
THE EGO: (Odds To Win 8:1)
THE CRUEL ONE: (Odds To Win 2:1)
THE AUTHORITARIAN: (Odds To Win 7:1)
THE JEALOUS ONE: (Odds To win 10:1)
THE IGNORANT ONE: (Odds To win 5:1)
THE REBEL (Odds To win 7:1)
"There you have it! Our run down of the top assholes in the world. It should be an exciting tournament. Andrew back to you."
Thanks Juice. Finally, before we kick off the action tomorrow, let's take a look at the tourney brackets.
Looks like a stellar bracket. I can't wait for the action to begin! It all start's tomorrow, live on Andrew's Lame bLOG.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Outsourcing: 2028
I remember when I wrote that article 18 years ago. Times were tough, but now they are near impossible. Do you know more than 10 actual people who hold jobs?
Me neither.
It was one thing when machines started replacing factory workers all those years ago, but now, with President Scott Brown's reluctance to help out working class Americans, we are potentially seeing the end of employment as we know it.
Here are some of the jobs I Remember when employment actually required human beings?
1) Sales People: Time was you used to pick up a phone (audio-only device for speaking to another human), push buttons (yeah, yeah, we were cave people) and talk to someone on the other end. You'd negotiate a price in exchange for goods or services, sign an agreement, and configure the order. Now every sales person is just pre-programmed. No need to negotiate anymore, since the Social Order of Robotic Equality, or SORE Act, came to be. "You have to give robots jobs" said all those liberal beatniks back in 2016. Now you just upload your data and a decision is automatically made by the bots.
2) CEO's: This is just a step up from the sales person, but remember when Pepsi implemented iRobert Sodamann as their CEO 6 years ago? Pepsi hasn't made one improper business decision since and now owns every consumable liquid in the world. If only Scott Brown (Scottbot as his detractors call him) would disallow Pepsi's ownership of all 7 oceans, we could possible go back to more viable system of capitalism.
3) Strippers: Here's one area I must admit I'm happy has gone to the bots. now every stripper is absolutely perfect in every imaginable way. I don't have to hide my shame in my willingness to grab boobs, either, and I'm allowed to! Just don't put your dick in one cause, robot pussy is highly charged and lightning will shoot out of your junk. Same goes for the ladies, but the lightning comes out of your asses. Anyway, I can't work anymore, but at least I can get my cheap jollies off while America continues to spiral downward in an eddy of irreversible unemployment.
Monday, February 22, 2010
Quote Of The Day
"From the waist down, I feel 15.''
So you're constantly battling wet dreams and are hung like cashew?
Thursday, February 18, 2010
The Perfect Solution For This NBA Trade Deadline.
Think about it. Stephon Marbury made in excess of $20 million dollars last year. If someone were to acquire that contract (I’m sure he has a copy) they could use that money right away. It’s an ingenious, diabolical way to circumvent the salary cap restrictions.
The possibilities are endless. Here’s the perfect scenario: My favorite team is the Celtics. The Celtics, had Marbury last year, so they should have a copy of his deal. They trade that already expired contract to Phoenix, for Amare Stoudemire. The 125% salary factor works, so it’s not an issue. The C’s are now loaded up front. And the Suns don’t have to wait until next season to go after the big name free agents. They can go after Lebron or D-Wade tomorrow. It’s win win for everyone.
If I was Danny Ainge, I’d start digging through my filing cabinet to see what other contracts are in there. I’m sure a team like Memphis would love to acquire Larry Bird’s old deal. Think of all the revenue they could bring in with #33 Grizzly jerseys. All we need in return is Rudy Gay.
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